Self-Care, SoulWork, and Refilling Your Empty Cup

Article Overview

• Intro to SoulWork- Soul-Care & Self-Care

• Healthcare Case Study

• 6 Perceptions of Contributing to the Neglect of Self-Care

• Stats on Workplace Well-being - $300 Billion Issue

• 5 Practices to Avoid Burnout

• SoulWork - Filling Your Cup - Focusing On Your Vitality

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Intro to SoulWork- Soul-Care & Self-Care

A mentor once shared, Russell, you can't give out of an empty cup. In a similar conversation, another mentor leader shared the idea in principle: You can't impart what you don't possess. Then, I hear the consistent reminder on every flight, the attendant instructions to put your mask on first before helping others. Why? At 35,000', you'll blackout within 7-8 seconds. 

On reflection, these principles and practices suggest that you must first possess that knowledge, skill, or attribute to share or teach something to others. It implies authenticity and personal experience are essential to effectively caring, mentoring, training, or leading well. For instance, if you want to teach someone about kindness, you must first embody kindness in your actions and interactions. Similarly, if you wish to mentor others on leadership, you should have practical experience and an understanding of leadership principles. This phrase underscores the importance of leading by example and living out the values or qualities you seek to impart to others. Similarly, if you've given your all for a job, project, or any effort only to come up short, your cup needs filling before you can begin again. 

Let's step back for a moment. 

After moving from Georgia to Colorado, I started my master's education at Denver Seminary from 2003-2007. I began my studies on leadership, then discovered a track focusing on spiritual formation. More than formal education, I was invited into a guided learning experience within a genuinely transformational community. While raising a family and running a business, I was battling many of the symptoms of the lack of self-care. The spiritual formation began to help me identify themes and patterns to understand better my beliefs, motivation, and drives for success, leaving me in a state of chronic fatigue and, at times, burnout. 

Twenty years ago, I was learning firsthand before terms like well-being and self-care were popularized in workplace policy and human resource circles. Yet, the personal work held a tension of soul-care and self-care that's holistic in practice; today, I use the term SoulWork. 

My story is familiar as it represents a need for all. The practice of SoulWork will vary based on the needs and demands of the day. SoulWork is dynamic based on worldview, values, and beliefs with your season of life and work. SoulWork holds the tension of soul-care and self-care. You find less emphasis on the soul rather than the necessity of self-care with a good night's sleep. Before we move further, I invite you to consider what you need to live and work with vitality.

Back to the present day. 

Healthcare Case Study

Working as an Organizational Development Consultant in the healthcare industry since COVID, let me invite you into my work life. You may identify some similar themes in your workplace. 

Ashely is a dedicated nurse in a busy hospital's intensive care unit (ICU). Known for her exceptional patient care and unwavering commitment to her job, she often prioritizes the needs of her patients above her well-being. Despite long shifts and demanding workloads, she rarely takes breaks and frequently stays late to ensure her patients receive the best possible care.

A work pattern established since the COVID crisis, Ashley's neglect of self-care begins to take a toll on her well-being. She experiences increasing levels of stress, fatigue, and emotional exhaustion. Despite feeling physically and mentally drained, she pushes herself to continue working at the same intense pace, fearing that taking time off would negatively impact her patients.

As a result of her neglect of self-care, Ashley's health begins to deteriorate. She experiences frequent headaches, insomnia, and mood swings. Her relationships with colleagues and loved ones suffer as she becomes irritable and withdrawn. Despite recognizing the signs of burnout, Ashely feels trapped in a cycle of overwork and self-neglect, unable to prioritize her well-being.

Eventually, Ashely reaches a breaking point when she collapses from exhaustion during a shift. Forced to take time off work to recover, she realizes the importance of self-care and seeks support from her colleagues, personal coach, and a nurse mentor. With their help, she learns to set boundaries, prioritize self-care practices, and seek help.

Through this experience, Ashley recognizes that neglecting self-care harms her well-being and jeopardizes her ability to provide quality patient care. She commits to making self-care a priority in her life, knowing that only by taking care of herself can she continue to serve others effectively in the long term.

Dr. Smith is a dedicated physician in a busy hospital's intensive care unit (ICU). Known for her exceptional medical skills and unwavering commitment to her patients, Dr. Smith often works long hours and sacrifices her well-being to ensure that her patients receive the best possible care.

Despite the demanding nature of her job, Dr. Smith rarely takes breaks or prioritizes her own needs, believing that her patients' lives are at stake and require her full attention and dedication. She neglects self-care practices such as proper nutrition, exercise, and adequate rest, pushing herself to the brink of exhaustion to meet the demands of her high-pressure role.

As time goes on, Dr. Smith begins to experience symptoms of burnout, including chronic fatigue, emotional exhaustion, and feelings of detachment from her work. Despite her best efforts to soldier on, she struggles to cope with her job's physical and emotional toll, leading to decreased job satisfaction and overall well-being.

Meanwhile, the nursing staff working alongside Dr. Smith in the ICU also grapple with their challenges. Overwhelmed by high patient acuity, staffing shortages, and a lack of support, the nurses are increasingly stressed and stretched thin. The collective stress within the nursing team manifests in disrespectful communication practices, low morale, and a toxic work culture characterized by blame and resentment. Employee turnover rates soar as nurses struggle to cope with the demands of their jobs and the hostile work environment.

Recognizing the urgent need for change, Dr. Smith and the nursing staff come together to address the root causes of their collective burnout. They advocate for better support and resources, including access to mental health services, regular team debriefs, and opportunities for self-care.

Through their collaborative efforts, Dr. Smith and the nursing team began to implement positive changes in their work environment. By prioritizing self-care and collective well-being, they can rebuild trust, improve communication, and cultivate a healthier and more supportive work culture for themselves and their patients.

Why do leaders, managers, physicians, nurses, and front-line employees neglect self-care? 

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6 Perceptions of Contributing to the Neglect of Self-Care

For Ashley, Dr. Smith, or team members in your workplace, self-care is often neglected due to the perception that prioritizing one's well-being is selfish or indulgent. This perception stems from several factors:

1. Cultural Expectations: In many workplace cultures, there is a prevailing belief that sacrificing personal needs for the greater good is noble and admirable. Leaders may feel pressure to constantly prioritize the needs of their organization, team, or stakeholders above their well-being.

2. Role Modeling: Leaders may feel compelled to set an example of selflessness for their team members, fearing that prioritizing self-care could be perceived as a weakness or lack of dedication.

3. Fear of Judgment: There is a fear of judgment from others, including peers, superiors, or subordinates, who may interpret self-care practices as a lack of commitment or dedication to their roles.

4. Misunderstanding of Self-Care: Some leaders may equate self-care with self-indulgence or laziness, failing to recognize its importance in maintaining physical, mental, and emotional health.

5. Workaholic Culture: In industries or organizations where long hours and high levels of productivity are glorified, leaders may feel compelled to constantly push themselves to meet unrealistic expectations, leading to neglect of self-care practices.

6. Perceived Lack of Time: Leaders often juggle multiple responsibilities and demanding schedules, making it challenging to prioritize self-care activities. They may perceive self-care practices as time-consuming luxuries rather than essential investments in their well-being.

Overall, the perception of self-care as selfishness is a misconception that stems from societal norms, cultural expectations, and individual beliefs about the role of leaders and the nature of work.

What's the impact of stories like Ashley and Dr. Smith if nothing changes? 

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Stats on Workplace Well-being - $300 Billion Issue

Let's look at the recent statistics regarding the lack of self-care in the workplace, highlighting its detrimental effects on employee well-being and engagement. Here are some key statistics:

1. Decreased Productivity: According to a study by the American Institute of Stress, workplace stress costs U.S. employers an estimated $300 billion annually in absenteeism, turnover, decreased productivity, and medical expenses.

2. Increased Burnout Rates: The World Health Organization (WHO) classifies burnout as an "occupational phenomenon" resulting from chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed. A Gallup study found that 23% of employees reported feeling burned out often or always, while 44% reported feeling burned out sometimes.

3. Higher Turnover Rates: A survey by Kronos and Future Workplace found that 95% of H.R. leaders reported that employee burnout sabotages workforce retention. Moreover, a Gallup study revealed that 23% of employees would be willing to leave their current organization for a 10% pay raise elsewhere, emphasizing the impact of burnout on turnover rates.

These statistics underscore the significant impact of lack of self-care on workplace dynamics and employee engagement. Three primary threats to engagement resulting from insufficient self-care practices include:

1. Decreased Morale: Employees experiencing burnout and high-stress levels are more likely to feel disengaged and demotivated, reducing employee morale.

2. Reduced Productivity: Burnout can impair cognitive function, decision-making abilities, and creativity, resulting in reduced productivity and performance levels among employees.

3. Increased Absenteeism and Turnover: Employees facing burnout are more likely to take frequent sick days, experience higher rates of absenteeism, and ultimately seek opportunities elsewhere, contributing to increased turnover rates within the organization.

Addressing these threats requires a holistic approach to promoting employee well-being, including implementing self-care initiatives, fostering a supportive work culture, and providing resources for stress management and mental health support. Organizations prioritizing employee well-being are likelier to cultivate a positive work environment, boost engagement, and achieve long-term success.

What can change these trends in your workplace, church, or community? 

Let me propose starting with your self-care and well-being. In future articles, we will discuss self-leaders, which is necessary before leading others. However, self-care is critical as a baseline for self-leadership. 

Self-care is crucial for maintaining overall well-being and preventing burnout. It encompasses practices that nurture physical, emotional, and mental health, allowing individuals to recharge and thrive. 

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Five practices to demonstrate well-being and avoid burnout include:

1. Regular Exercise: Physical activity boosts mood, reduces stress, and promotes better sleep. Incorporating regular exercise into your routine, whether walking, jogging, yoga, or other forms of movement, supports overall health and vitality.

2. Healthy Eating Habits: Fueling your body with nutritious foods provides the energy and nutrients needed for optimal functioning. Prioritize a balanced diet of fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, whole grains, and healthy fats to support physical and mental well-being. Doing a dry month might help. 

3. Prayer, Mindfulness, and Relaxation Techniques: Prayer, mindfulness, meditation, or deep breathing relaxation techniques can help alleviate stress, increase self-awareness, and promote emotional resilience. Taking breaks to unwind and center yourself throughout the day can enhance overall well-being.

4. Setting Boundaries: Establishing clear boundaries in personal and professional life is essential for maintaining balance and preventing burnout. Learn to say no to tasks or commitments that overwhelm you and prioritize activities that align with your values and goals.

5. Seeking Social Support: Cultivating meaningful connections with friends, family, or support groups provides a sense of belonging and strengthens resilience. Make time for social activities, reach out to loved ones for support, and seek professional help if needed to address mental health concerns. Depending on the intensity of your needs, professional support from a counselor, therapist, or coach may help get you moving toward holistic health and well-being. 

By prioritizing self-care practices like regular exercise, healthy eating, mindfulness, setting boundaries, and seeking social support, individuals can enhance their overall well-being, reduce stress, and prevent burnout. These practices contribute to a balanced and fulfilling life, enabling individuals to thrive personally and professionally.

What underlying beliefs inform our attitudes and actions regarding self-care and well-being? 

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SoulWork - Filling Your Cup - Focusing On Your Vitality

As I consider the diversity of clients globally, the worldviews, religious beliefs, and traditions vary with every country. In 2023, I worked with leaders from India, Argentina, Korea, London, Austria, Ireland, China, Saudia Arabia, and the U.S. Given my response to the diversity of perspectives, broadly speaking, SoulWork refers to the intentional and ongoing practice of nurturing and preserving one's inner life, including thoughts, emotions, beliefs, and values. It involves caring for the spiritual aspect of oneself, recognizing the profound significance of the soul and its connection to one's overall well-being. Soulwork often involves prayer, meditation, reflection, and engagement with spiritual teachings or traditions.

Spiritual formation encompasses the process of growth and development in one's spiritual life to become more aligned with one's deepest values, beliefs, and purpose. It involves the cultivation of virtues such as love, compassion, humility, and gratitude, as well as exploring one's relationship with the divine or transcendent. Spiritual formation may include spiritual disciplines, community involvement, study of scripture, and guidance from mentors or spiritual leaders.

"Spiritual care" refers to providing support, guidance, and assistance to individuals in nurturing their spiritual well-being and addressing their spiritual needs. It involves attending to the spiritual dimensions of human experience, including questions of meaning, purpose, identity, and transcendence. Spiritual care may be offered by religious leaders, counselors, healthcare professionals, or other trained individuals, and it can take various forms depending on the individual's context and needs.

SoulWork fills my empty cup. It's a grandeur of adventuring in the Colorado mountains, walking the beach shore with my wife, celebrating with my family, conversing with a trusted friend, taking a truck ride for ice cream on summer's eve, and sitting in my rocking chair with my bible and journal, watching the sunrise coffee in hand.

What can you do today to be intentional about tending to your vitality? 

SoulWork is holistic, touching on what matters most, holding the tension of soul-care and self-care.  Start today with the next step towards taking in some oxygen, refilling your cup, and reflecting on what will help you thrive instead of only surviving.

We're in a series of essentials for leadership, building your foundation so you can thrive in your life, work, and leadership. Next, we'll expand on the practices of self-leadership. 

If you'd like to explore further conversations on these topics for your leadership, building your teamwork, or changing your organizational culture, feel free to reach out to russell@leadersadvance.net 

Climbing with a Mentor… Dangerous Missteps and Discovering 3 Hidden Treasures on the Journey

My feet are soiled, even blistered, after walking nearly four miles in my Chacos. My iPhone tells me I climbed ninety-six floors today over the course of two hours, which means I climbed a mountain. My companion was a man I've known for several years, but this was the first opportunity we've had to spend time together. 

At sixty-three this man has traveled the world and worked inside of an organization of forty thousand people. When he started with that company twenty-eight years ago, their team was only two hundred people. Some would call that a career, others a lifetime of work. As an organizational psychologist and a Ph.D. whose primary goal is developing leaders within an organization, he can literally look back over his lifetime and see the impact he has had. It’s the difference that can be measured by the numbers and in the change in people’s lives. It's what we may call a life well lived.

Here I was with a man that I respect and admire, who is nearly twenty years my senior, and he truly is a model of the kind of leader developer I hope to be one day. The truth is for many of us on this journey, these kind of models and mentors are very rare. We may be around them, but when given the gift of their time, in my case nearly two hours on this hike, we want to make the most of the opportunity.  So our tendency in this situation is to jump right in and pepper them questions, usually in one of the following categories: 

• We ask for advice and counsel.
• We ask about a specific problem in order to find a practical solution that can be applied immediately.
• We ask for principles or a personal mantra that can be applied to guide our life decisions.

However, this tendency can also be a grave misstep. These questions work well when you are working with a mentor or coach. They can literally take you down many new trails, beyond just one conversation, and take place over months and years of relationship. But when given a rare opportunity like the one I was given, this strategy may cause you to miss out on something even more valuable.  On the day of my hike with this man that I want to emulate, I chose not to go there with any specific agenda. I chose not to ask questions or ask for advice or counsel. Instead I simply stated, "I want to hear your story. Anything that you would like to share, I'm a listening ear, and I simply want to learn from you." 

During the two hours of mountain climbing, our talk began with some common elements of storytelling. These elements provided a little foundational context as to where we were in our week and what was going on in our lives. As we hit the trail, he asked me a few questions that allowed me to share parts of my story I knew would simply honor him in his interest and curiosity. I shared a few relevant, honest, authentic, and important details from my journey as it related to different mile-markers in my life which set the tone and depth so he would feel comfortable sharing at the same level of sincerity. In other words, the transparency of my story invited him to be transparent with his as well. He told me about his personal challenges and victories, his experiences as a family man, and how he navigated through difficult days when what he wanted to do was give up. After coming off the mountain, I felt the weight of his story.  As I reflected on this experience, I discovered the following three hidden treasures.

1. Story protects you

For nearly an hour I listened to a story that weaved over thirty to forty years of this man’s work and family life. As I listened, several themes began to emerge.  His life exceeded what you might normally characterize as success.  His life was about making an impact and how one person can make a difference by being faithful for the long haul. There was the theme of overcoming challenges, pushing through when you are overwhelmed, and it feels impossible.  And there was the theme of burnout. No matter how great the mission is, if you don't take time to rest and recalibrate, you will crash.

Throughout his story he wasn't preaching. He wasn't telling me what to do. He wasn't giving me principles, or teaching a lesson. We were simply climbing a mountain. Listening to his story awakened something in me.  I could resonate with the various themes along the way, and I began to recognize that if I wasn't careful, I was only a few nights of sleep away from real burnout.

His story caused me to think about how at times the burden and responsibility of my work can be so overwhelming that I lose perspective of why I've even stepped into such meaningful work in the first place.  His story helped me understand how the disciplined pursuit of perspective will protect me from being overwhelmed and potentially be taken out completely. His story also showed me that making a difference really comes from a focused pursuit in your area of strength and competency; that deep work is hard work; and that it’s worth it. When you see the impact you are making along the way, you will be encouraged, revitalized, and inspired to press on and continue the work in even more specific and definable ways.

2. Story inspires you

I was recently at a conference where nationally recognized speakers were giving talks that certainly stirred the heart and moved the audience with great emotion and connection.  As I listened to their stories I too felt swept up in the movement and emotion of the moment. Those talks certainly have their place, but they are quite different than the inspiration I received from walking alongside a man who's guiding me on a trail I have never traversed before, showing me new vistas, peaks, and valleys.  Even the physical ability he has in his early sixties, to be able to climb such mountains, inspires me! To be that physically fit, let alone have the mental and emotional fitness he has when I'm that age is some to aspire to. This man has a heart that is whole and alive and is filled with spiritual vitality in spite of seasons of overwhelming and challenging circumstances. His story inspires my story, and I hope my story will in turn inspire others.

3. Story encourages you

While walking alongside this man as he's listening to my story and sharing with me the things he has heard from others, he takes the time to encourage me in my work. I will tell you, there is nothing quite like having someone of this caliber, credibility, and experience look at a man like me and say, "I see something in you that, as it continues to develop and grow, will make an impact. How I can encourage you further along the way?” It is such a boost in confidence to hear him say, "I see something in you. I believe in you, and I will walk with you.” When someone we admire and trust, who's farther down the path than we are, in whose footsteps we can follow and learn from is willing to guide us along the way and encourage us to move forward in our levels of influence, they are demonstrating the next level of leadership and are modeling what it looks like to encourage others. It's the exchange of story—my story for his—and that lays a foundation for friendship and mentoring that moves us, inspires us, and encourages us in ways that are hard to even put into words.

The Danger of the Misstep - Why we miss story

The fact is, most leaders are running a hundred miles an hour, reacting and dealing with the challenges of each day. So often, when we're in the presence of someone who's farther along than we are, we are quick to ready, fire, aim, and we jump right into problem solving mode and seek the quick, pre-scripted solutions, so we can move on. Certainly, there are times when we are in crisis, when we need immediate answers, and there is nothing wrong with that. However, what actually may be needed more is the discipline of listening. Taking time for story allows space for things to be shared, things that maybe haven't been shared in many years.  And when you take the time to listen, you may find that the story resonates with your story, providing a significant point of connection. What we learn from the stories of our mentors and models is the wisdom they have gained as they have walked along their journey.  Their story may provide the treasures of protection, inspiration, and encouragement and be the very thing that gives us the heart to stay the course in the midst of difficult and challenging circumstances.

The treasures found in others’ stories will motivate us to seize new opportunities and move us forward to new levels of influence that we didn't think was possible. So I would encourage you today to think about those people in your life who are further along in the journey of life.  Get outdoors with them, in an environment other than a lunch or conference room meeting, and ask them, "What's your story?"

Consider the Ant! Lessons on Leadership

Go to the ant, you sluggard; consider its ways and be wise! -Proverbs 6:6

I hate ants! At least I did when I was a kid. Growing up in Georgia they’d come up from the red clay in full force to devour your lunch, protect their hill, or take you out at the ankles. As a young boy, after stepping in a few anthills and feeling the effects from my poor judgment, I would retaliate in force. I would destroy their little home with sticks and rocks and finally by drowning the little community with a water hose. “‘That’ll show ‘em!” I would think. Then a week or so later I discovered the same community moved its headquarters to the backside of the pine tree. If left alone, the next hill would be bigger than first. It seemed like a losing battle for a young boy on a mission never to be bitten again.

Consider the ant!

When I let my boyhood battle cry subside, and I disregard the memories of watermelon being hauled off by the slice, then I’ll consider the ant! I will learn from my enemy! Here are my observations from the ways of a ant.

●  No Commander­ - Leadership by Mission. They develop the colony, build the infrastructure, and prepare for food and shelter in season, always marching a single line. They overcome and rebuild when disaster strikes. They are clear and committed.

●  No Ruler­ - Diligent Workers. They work like slaves, but they have no masters. They have a job, and they get it done. They work together and rarely alone.

●  No Overseer­ - Self and Team Management. They work together for a common goal, share the load when it gets too heavy, and care for the injured, They have an internal drive to complete what they start. They are organized and efficient.

Solomon compares the nobility of the ant to the sluggard. For the lazy man (or sluggard) will reap what he sows in the forms of ‘poverty’ and ‘scarcity.’ Being from the south, while knocking over anthills, I also saw the slow slimy trails of a snail on a sidewalk. What a pitiful creature. It’s lazy, slow, and whenever anything happens crawls into its shell for protection. It is the epitome of a sluggard! It’s immobilized by fear and self-protection. The snail rarely travels in community. Its slime and odor repels anyone. No one wants to be sluggard.

Then there is the other extreme—the work-alcoholics whose vices run deeper than just good work ethics. They are running, driven by another master. Let me encourage you. There is freedom from that fear of failure. Your sense of worth and identity come from who are as a child of God. What you do for work is an expression of who you are, but it is NOT your identity. You are worth more than your work! Your value comes from more than what you can produce.

Now, consider the ant!

Consider the balance of the ant who works in season preparing in a time of harvest and winter rest.

Consider the ways of the ant. Learn from their consistency of work, commitment to mission, and community to strengthen.

Confess your laziness or procrastination. Get organized and get moving! Despite my troubled boyhood; my enemy has become my teacher.

Consider the ways of the ant and be wise!