It Takes a Long Time to Make Old Friends
Today, at 51 years old, I find myself remembering that pivotal moment after youth group when I approached Gary Klinger with a question that would shape the trajectory of my life: "Gary, would you disciple me?" The look in his eyes stays with me even now—the way he turned his head so slightly, giving pause to his words before responding. "If you do the work, I'll meet with you."
The challenge had been presented. I was young and eager, not having a clue what I was committing to. Gary followed up with specific instructions: "Russell, read the letters from Paul—1 & 2 Timothy and Titus—every day for the next two weeks, then we'll meet at Waffle House on Wednesday at 6am."
I was a 16-year-old young man with the laminate on my driver's license still cooling from the DMV. I was driving my Dad's 1970 baby blue Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme convertible, still getting a grip on my studies where finishing homework seemed to be always a challenge, and reading comprehension was a battle. Until then, I had never finished reading any book of any genre. I didn't know how to read well, let alone comprehend my studies. Now, I was supposed to read every day as preparation for my time with GK.
Regardless, I pressed into my assignment, hoping to be prepared. Reading 15-20 minutes a day over the next few weeks gave my mind time to absorb concepts, specific instructions, and applications for my life. I was ready, and Waffle House didn't disappoint. I loved the food, the atmosphere of everyday folks, and the AC frosting the windows from humidity. Where else can you go where the ladies are quick with coffee refills and a gesture, "I got you covered, baby"?
Our first meeting went beyond my homework, beginning with story. Gary shared about his family—he had kids my age—his interests in working on cars and fixing things, his college days at Wheaton in Chicago, and his missions background. GK had worked as a bush pilot in Papua New Guinea, delivering food, supplies, and Bibles all over the region for Wycliffe Bible Translators. Oh man, I was hooked! Adventure, mission, and a cause worth giving your life for—all outside of my Atlanta suburbia. GK opened my world by opening his life.
Then the conversation took a turn to discussing the letters to Timothy and Titus. He started with, "What did you learn?" I was eager to share. He was a good listener. We discussed the passages in depth and detail, verse by verse. I saw myself in these verses, and I could hear the significance and history for Gary the more we talked. Then he laid out the next challenge: "What are all the characteristics of elders and deacons? Make a list of them, then evaluate how you are doing in each of these qualifications."
GK's mentorship shaped a vision for the character of the man I could become. The challenge went beyond homework—it created space to dream, grow, and mature as a man. GK and I met weekly for five years during my high school and college days, continuing to stay connected over the last 35 years. He marked my life through mentorship, consistently raising the bar for who I could become—my goals, my motives, my faith, and my love for people. His signature mentoring skill was always asking tough questions to challenge the depth of my thinking. His modeling has influenced my heart, commitment, and approach to mentorship for a generation of young people.
Who's Your Russell?
In envisioning a life enriched by the guidance of mentors across various domains, I see a vibrant mosaic of growth, discovery, and fulfillment. Acknowledging that perfection is elusive, I commit to nurturing relationships with three or four individuals who embody excellence and wisdom in specific areas that resonate deeply with my diverse interests and aspirations.
In matters of spiritual life, I seek out a mentor whose profound faith, wisdom, and compassion serve as a beacon of inspiration. Through their guidance, I deepen my spiritual practice, cultivate inner peace, and navigate life's challenges with grace and resilience, drawing strength from a profound connection to something greater than myself.
For health and wellness, I turn to a mentor who epitomizes vitality, balance, and holistic well-being. Their expertise empowers me to prioritize self-care, adopt nourishing habits, and cultivate a vibrant, thriving lifestyle that honors both my physical and emotional health, enabling me to flourish and thrive in every aspect of my life.
In the realm of family and relationships, I seek the counsel of a mentor who embodies love, empathy, and wisdom in nurturing meaningful connections and fostering harmonious dynamics within the family unit. Their guidance equips me with the tools and insights to navigate the complexities of familial relationships, cultivate deeper bonds, and create a supportive, nurturing environment where love and understanding flourish.
Moreover, I engage with a mentor who excels in achieving work-life balance, demonstrating resilience, prioritization, and effective time management. Their mentorship empowers me to set boundaries, honor my priorities, and cultivate harmony between professional aspirations and personal fulfillment, enabling me to lead a purposeful, balanced life that honors my values and passions.
Through these meaningful relationships, I embrace life as a collaborative journey, shared in partnership with mentors who inspire, challenge, and uplift me along the way. Together, we navigate the twists and turns of life's path, celebrate successes, overcome setbacks, and ultimately unlock the full potential of our shared human experience.
The Reciprocal Nature of Mentorship
Mentorship is a reciprocal relationship that extends beyond the traditional teacher and student dynamic. While mentors offer guidance, wisdom, and support to their mentees, they also stand to gain valuable insights, perspectives, and personal growth from the relationship. This reciprocity lies at the heart of effective mentorship, fostering mutual learning and development for both parties.
For mentors, the act of sharing their knowledge and experiences serves as a form of reflection, allowing them to revisit fundamental principles and reevaluate their own approaches to challenges and opportunities. Through mentoring others, mentors often gain a deeper understanding of their own strengths and weaknesses, honing their leadership skills and refining their professional expertise in the process.
Simultaneously, mentees bring fresh perspectives, enthusiasm, and innovative ideas to the table, challenging mentors to think creatively and adapt to evolving circumstances. The mentorship journey becomes a two-way street, where mentors and mentees engage in meaningful dialogue, exchange ideas, and collaborate on shared goals.
Ultimately, the reciprocity of mentorship creates a symbiotic relationship where both parties contribute to each other's growth and success. As mentors invest in the development of their mentees, they also reap the rewards of personal fulfillment, professional satisfaction, and continued learning.
Standing on Shoulders - Paying It Forward
As Marcus stood in his office, gazing at the wall adorned with over fifty names, each representing a person who had influenced his life journey, he couldn't help but feel a profound sense of gratitude. These were the individuals who had supported him, believed in him, and lifted him up during moments of doubt and uncertainty. Now, in his forties, Marcus reflected on his own failures, setbacks, and doubts, realizing the debt of gratitude he owed to those who had invested in him.
With a deep desire to pay it forward, Marcus became a mentor, eager to support others on their own paths to success. He began by reaching out to a select few mentees, both personally and professionally, offering them guidance, encouragement, and a listening ear. In their personal lives, Marcus shared his own experiences and insights, helping them navigate through challenges and make informed decisions. Professionally, he provided career advice, introduced them to valuable contacts, and offered feedback on their goals and aspirations.
Marcus understood the importance of being a source of inspiration and support for those who needed it most. Whether it was through regular meetings over coffee, virtual check-ins, or shared experiences, he made sure to invest his time and energy into nurturing these mentoring relationships. He encouraged his mentees to set ambitious goals, embrace failure as a learning opportunity, and never lose sight of their potential.
As Marcus continued to invest in the lives of his mentees, he found fulfillment in knowing that he was making a difference, just as others had done for him. He realized that the true essence of mentorship lay in the ability to empower others, helping them unlock their full potential and achieve their dreams. And as he looked at the wall in his office, he knew that the legacy of support and encouragement would continue to live on, passed down from one generation of mentors to the next.
The Profound Impact of Mentorship
Connecting in meaningful, authentic, and trusting relationships with sage mentors can profoundly impact your life, offering guidance and direction that helps clarify goals, identify strengths and weaknesses, and chart a path forward. They provide constructive feedback and actionable advice to help you progress toward your aspirations.
During challenging times, mentors provide steady support and encouragement. They believe in your potential, even when you doubt yourself, and inspire you to persevere through adversity. Through open and honest conversations, mentors challenge you to step outside your comfort zone, confront limiting beliefs, and embrace new opportunities for learning and development. They encourage self-reflection and introspection, fostering personal growth and self-awareness.
Mentors introduce you to valuable connections within their network, opening doors to new opportunities, collaborations, and additional mentorship relationships. They help expand your professional circle and leverage resources to accelerate your growth and success. As you progress and achieve milestones, mentors celebrate and acknowledge your successes. Their belief in your abilities fuels your confidence and empowers you to pursue even greater goals.
How Long Does It Take?
The impact of mentorship transcends the confines of time, often revealing its profound influence through the cumulative effect of seemingly brief interactions. While the investment of just a few hours or days in mentoring sessions may appear insignificant in the moment, their long-term implications can be transformative.
Consider the analogy of planting a tree. A mentor's guidance, shared over a few conversations or days across several years, acts as the seeds from which a mentee's growth sprouts. Initially, these interactions may seem fleeting, but like watering a seed, they nourish the mentee's potential for growth. Over time, as the mentee absorbs the mentor's wisdom and insights, these seeds take root, fostering personal and professional development.
The value of mentorship lies not only in the immediate exchange of knowledge but also in its ripple effect. The lessons learned during brief mentorship sessions resonate with the mentee long after the conversations end, shaping their mindset, decisions, and actions in various life situations. Like a stone cast into a pond, the impact of mentorship expands outward, touching not only the mentee but also those in their sphere of influence.
Therefore, while a few hours or days of mentorship may seem fleeting, their enduring impact can catalyze significant change over time. Each interaction serves as a building block, contributing to the mentee's ongoing growth and development, ultimately fostering positive transformation and empowerment.
Five Principles of Transformative Mentorship
Drawing from the powerful mentorship relationship between Russell and Gary Klinger, here are five essential principles that will help you see the vision of mentorship fulfilled in your life:
1. The Principle of Mutual Investment: "If You Do the Work, I'll Meet with You"
Gary's response to Russell's request for mentorship established a foundational truth: effective mentorship requires commitment from both parties. The mentor commits their time, wisdom, and energy, while the mentee commits to preparation, growth, and action. This principle ensures that mentorship relationships are built on mutual respect and shared responsibility rather than one-sided dependency. When both parties invest deeply, the relationship becomes transformative rather than transactional.
2. The Principle of Life Integration: Opening Your World by Opening Your Life
Gary didn't just teach Russell from a textbook; he opened his entire life—sharing stories about his family, his adventures as a bush pilot in Papua New Guinea, his college experiences, and his passions for fixing cars. This principle recognizes that true mentorship goes beyond professional or academic instruction to encompass the whole person. When mentors vulnerably share their experiences, failures, and journeys, they provide mentees with a living example of how to integrate values, purpose, and character into every aspect of life.
3. The Principle of Character Formation: Raising the Bar for Who You Can Become
The most powerful aspect of Gary's mentorship wasn't just imparting knowledge—it was consistently raising the bar for who Russell could become. By having Russell evaluate himself against the qualifications of elders and deacons, Gary helped shape a vision for character that went far beyond immediate goals or achievements. This principle emphasizes that mentorship should focus on developing the person's character, values, and integrity as the foundation for all future success and influence.
4. The Principle of Challenging Questions: Deepening the Depth of Thinking
Gary's signature mentoring skill was asking tough questions that challenged Russell to think more deeply about his motivations, goals, and beliefs. Rather than simply providing answers, he created space for discovery and growth through thoughtful inquiry. This principle recognizes that the most lasting learning comes not from being told what to think, but from being challenged to think more deeply, critically, and authentically about life's most important questions.
5. The Principle of Generational Impact: Paying It Forward Through Modeling
The ultimate measure of Gary's mentorship success wasn't just Russell's personal growth, but how Russell's "heart, commitment, and approach to mentorship" was shaped to influence "a generation of young people." This principle acknowledges that true mentorship creates a multiplying effect—mentees become mentors who create more mentors. The goal isn't just personal development, but developing people who will invest in others, creating a legacy of influence that transcends individual relationships and spans generations.
These five principles, lived out consistently over time, transform mentorship from casual advice-giving into life-shaping relationships that create lasting impact for both mentor and mentee, ultimately building a legacy that extends far beyond the original relationship.